1.     Taboo Plaza

 

This week we’re talking about grave robbing.  You may look at such a topic and think there really isn’t much to talk about.

“I’m against.  That’s it.  What’s wrong with any goddamn nitwit that would think about grave robbing?”

There really is a case for grave robbing when you stop to think about it.  Archaeology is a career based on grave robbing.

“Aw, Jesus Christ!  Next thing you know, he’ll be talking about sodomizing dead bodies or some other such nonsense.”

The case for grave robbing really seems to hinge on whether someone else is willing to raise a complaint.

One man’s archeology is another woman’s sacrilege. 

How can you truly distinguish one physical action from the other though?  Can the body only be exhumed from a grave larger than what 99% of the people in history could afford?  Must the grave robber declare a researchable hypothesis before breaking dirt? Is it a matter of how long the body has been in the ground? 

“If it’s older than 1,000 years, it’s research.  If it’s fresher than that you’re just some kind of sick freak.”

Egypt, Greece, parts of China: these all pose ideal locales for digging up dead bodies.  Take a pick axe and shovel to your local cemetery, no matter how loud you’ve stated your hypothesis, you’re probably going to find yourself confronted by local authorities.    

If there is a safe bet when it comes to robbing a grave, you want to wait until the entire civilization is decimated.  In fact, in this scenario, you might even be able to get some local authorities to issue you a permit.  After that, 9 times out of 10, you can dig up all the dead bodies you want. 

When you dig up a grave under any other conditions, you take your life into your own hands.

 

2.     Pissing off more Islamists, and this time they’re not even Iraqi.

 

America is at it again. 

Your point of view will define “it” because we’re either, supporting democracy; fighting terror; or committing acts of terror.  Whatever your bifocals lead you to believe at least one thing resonates crystal clear: action in the Middle East attracts America like a moth to light bulb. 

On Sunday 1/7/07, American air strikes in Somalia killed some people.  Answering the question of how many people may take some time.  According to one source, “more than 50 people were killed.”  The early reasons given for this U.S. attack seemed clear to conventional wisdom.  However, conventional wisdom rings odd since the rationale for the attack had been offered prior to White House or Pentagon officials speaking about the matter.  The attacks took place on Sunday and the Pentagon hadn’t offered any explanation until the following Friday.  That did not stop the press from offering their reasons for why we bombed the bush of Africa.

The true story during the week of official silence should have been why the press would cater out a smorgasbord of reasons and rationale for the military bureaucrats.  Explanations floated around in the spin-less vacuum offering possible talking points for the bureaucrats to test market and poll until they arrived on something appropriate (and more importantly acceptable) for the general masses to digest.  The press mentioned Al Qaeda, drummed up memories of Black Hawk Down (the real life incident not the movie; although in the end the masses won’t know the difference between the two) and of course the old chestnut 9-11 was mentioned with no real tie to Somalia (check Forbes article hyperlinked above for 9-11 reference.)  In an interesting swerve, the U.S. officials have declared our Somalia adventure as a model for future conflict.  Apparently, we were just test running our future acts of aggression.

Lest we forget, the United States of America currently occupies Afghanistan and Iraq.  This did not stop America from parking 4 major ships off the coast of Somalia.  As an interesting side note: Somalia is parked right along the Red Sea almost strategically positioned for future aggressions in the Middle East.

It’s not as if that general area will be peaceful anytime soon.  Despite our best efforts, Middle East countries universally seem to resist our attempts to set up transitional governments in order to transfer power from the country back to the country.  It seems we might keep trying until we find the exception to the rule however.

Somalia should not be soon forgotten.  They are the new terrorist, Al-Qaeda led, Islamic-fascist regime du jour on the U.S. military menu.  Somalia’s a country that couldn’t mount a good conflict in Rhode Island if we provided them the mode of transportation to get here and the weapons and ammunition to fight.  Nonetheless, we turn lose the dread AC-130 on them to turn their desolate rubble into desolate rubble and dead bodies. The track record of the AC-130 in successfully slaughtering people in relatively useless warfare constitutes the stuff myths spring forth from.

One thing is for certain, America will have a much harder time defending against the argument that Islam is our target.  Islam and Christianity are at war and this latest excursion into death-peddling will not do much to discredit that argument..

 

(A truly interesting and democratic debate in the U.S. would include arguments like the one embedded in this link.  Even if it were immediately discredited and thrown to the side, the debate would be honest, intellectual and well reasoned.)

 

On our current path of aggression, we’ve got a lot to look forward to in the form of Iran, Syria and now Hezbollah.  

 

Sleep well among the Christians who control the lions and coliseum. 

 

3.     Then Humans Discovered…

 

This week’s installment will be delivered next week: you must remember it is a random pattern.  <;^)>

 

4.     Getting to Know Your Government

 

Last week we looked at the Senators representing Alaska and Alabama.  In that sampling of senators, the average length of service as a senator is 18 years.  This week that number moves down to 11 years average with the Senators from Arizona and Arkansas.

 

John McCain (Republican, Arizona)

·        Religion: Episcopalian

·        1958: Graduated from U.S. Naval Academy

·        1973: Released from Vietnamese captivity

·        1976- 1981: Navy liaison to U.S. Senate

·        1982 - 1986: Elected to U.S. House of Representatives

·        1986- present: Elected U.S. Senator

 

Jon Kyl (Republican, Arizona)

·        Religion: Presbyterian

·        1964: University of Arizona, BA

·        1966: University of Arizona, JD

·        1987-1995: U.S. House of Representatives

·        1994- present: Elected U.S. Senator

 

Blanche Lincoln (Democrat, Arkansas)

·        Religion- Episcopalian

·        1982: Graduated from Randolph-Macon Women’s College

·        Studied law at University of Arkansas

·        1992- 1997: Elected to U.S. House of Representatives

·        1998- present: Elected U.S. Senator

 

Mark Pryor (Democrat, Arkansas)

·        Religion: Evangelical

o       Son of former Senator and governor David H. Pryor

·        1991- 1994: Elected to Arkansas House of Representatives

·        1999- 2002: Arkansas Attorney General

·        2002- present: Elected U.S. Senator

 

5.     Our Nation is Now Dumber for This…Thank You for Your Participation!

 

Rosie and Donald: who really cares?  

Donald’s show trivializes employment positions that generate massive amounts of cash by making a high-paying career a prize to be won on a game show.  

Rosie is just Rosie.  God love her, because somebody ought to. 

Can these two kiss and make babies or can they punch one another in the face all ready?  Anything at this point that will get the press to shut the hell up about this and removes it from our face is good.

These types of stories lend nothing to the culture and do nothing to advance the species.  In fact, as the airwaves broadcast this crap it invariable embeds itself in the public conscious.  The universal mind staggers from the lack of quality implanted in public synapses.

You may think you’ve escaped it and you may feel above it all, but in a deep, dark recess of your mind that little nugget will lie.  It will eat up just enough space that may prevent you from developing something on par with the theory of relativity.  It will consume just enough of your resources that maybe one day you’ll decide not to floss or shower.

It’s small. 

It’s almost imperceptible.

You’ve lost a portion of yourself both in identity and control of the thoughts randomly popping in your head.  You are a little dumber now even for having listened to my tirade.

But the voices are stuck with me, so now I pass them along to you.

We truly are doomed to remain on this planet until a meteor wipes us all out.

Have a good weekend!

 

6.     Down On Rage Street

 

An Oxford Professor has determined that teenagers would perform better in school if school times started later in the day.  According to Professor Russell Foster, in a speech at the University of Wales Institute in Cardiff, “Most schools force teenagers to function at a time of day that is suboptimal.”

“Sub….freaking….optimal.”

Where was this guy when I was in high school?  I could’ve used a couple extra hours of sleep in the morning.  Although, I would have then voted for the month of December off entirely.  Face it, the weather in December is suboptimal and that really stresses me out as well.

Professor Foster is quoted as saying that forcing a teenager to be in school at 9am is cruel.  Either the media outlet hyperlinked above is really loose with its use of quotation marks or Prof. Foster is a hippy, no-good nick.  I express nothing but complete self-absorption when I say, “I had to get up when I was a teenager and now they got to get up early too.”

 “Sub…freaking…optimal.”

This guy has got to be kidding. 

Clearly mommy and daddy should’ve applied a boot to his ass when he was younger.  What the hell is he doing wasting time and money hypothesizing that teenagers like to sleep-in anyway?  Does that really need to be studied?  It seems likely that the next theory along this line of research is going to be that you shouldn’t feed a teenager before noon, and when you do feed them make sure it’s pizza. 

“Mmmmmm, pizza.”

Teenagers love pizza. 

It’s cruel to make a teenager eat a green vegetable.  Theories may state, that feeding a teenager green vegetables causes anxieties which generate hormones that cause distress.  Extrapolated further, teenagers function in a suboptimal way when presented with stressful environments.

I say, let Prof. Foster have kids and screw up his kids with these crackpot hippy ideas.  I prefer yelling and berating as a primary method of developing my children.  I don’t care if their environment is suboptimal.  Life is suboptimal: get use to it.

So they’ve got to get up. 

Everyone has to get up, but according to Prof. Foster at age 20 the brain patterns for sleep change and I guess the same person mysteriously starts waking up earlier in the day.  I also suppose right around this time, the teenager stops drinking, smoking dope and being a lazy-ass with no job. 

Right around this time the teenager is going to decide what career path they want, they’ll settle on a major for college and develop a better sense of judgment behind the wheel of a car.

The thing Professor Foster isn’t taking into account is that right around this time that teenager is going to receive the rude awakening that school was quite possibly the easiest part of their life.  Everything else from there on out has an aura of suck-titude surrounding it. 

In my mind, teenager might as well start learning that lesson early and why not instruct with getting their ass out of bed around 6 am.  If the rest of their life turns out great, they’ll only appreciate it that much more. 

 

7.     My Butthole Bleeds for You…Really….It Does

 

This week’s installment will be delivered next week: you must remember it is a random pattern.  <;^)>

 

8.     Tip of the week

 

This ones for the kids: Figure out where you want to go before you get there.  The journey may be a reward, but you may be incredibly disappointed with your destination if you don’t know where you’ve ended up.

 

9.     Birthday Shout Outs (1-7 to 1-13)

 

The following people are recognized for their one special day that they share with thousands of others.  Inclusion into this space of the world-wide web does not indicate an endorsement of practices, beliefs or even a liking for their product.  These people have just done something noteworthy.  I hope one day I can be included into my own list, but as Groucho Marx once said, “I would never join a group that would have me as a member.”

 

·        (1/7/1800) Millard Fillmore- 13^th President of the United States of America.

·        (1/7/1912) Charles Addams- The birthday of the Addams Family creator should receive serious consideration for federal holiday.

·         (1/7/1928) William Peter Blatty- (If there’s a hell this guy…) 

He created the Exorcist which is a good movie but being involved in some of those scenes may be a damnable incident.

·        (1/7/1938) Paul Revere- It’s good to see they’ve got a spiffy website cooking over there.

·        (1/7/1964) Nicholas Cage- He was in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.  It wouldn’t matter to me if he did anything else.

·        (1/8/1926) Soupy Sales- A classic.

·        (1/8/1942) Stephen Hawking- I don’t like it when people make me feel stupid by being incomprehensible.

·        (1/8/1946) Robby Krieger- From the Doors to this…the guys got style.

·        (1/8/1947) David Bowie- A very strange man, but wonderful musician, although this was not one of the better musical moments for him.

·        (1/9/1913) Richard Nixon- The 37^th President of the United States of America.

·        (1/9/1935) Bob Denver- Maynard G. Krebbs was way cooler than Gilligan.

·        (1/9/1944) Jimmy Page- Led Zeppelin rocks man.

·        (1/9/1965) Tyrone Curtis “Mugsy” Bogues- 5’3” and 136 pounds, and he played in the NBA for 14 years.  There are not many accomplishments out there that can match his.

·        (1/9/1967) Dave Matthews- If you don’t have this album you should really consider buying it.

·        (1/10/1904) Ray Bolger- He sang the best song in The Wizard of Oz.

·        (1/10/1943) Jim Croce- He wrote some beautiful music.

·        (1/10/1948) Donald Fagen- Steely Dan is just what you need when you can’t decide on jazz, rock, R&B, pop or funk.

·        (1/10/1954) Pat Benatar- It’s not “We Belong” but it had its place.

·        (1/11/1755) Alexander Hamilton- Then again maybe what they say about lawyers is true.  This guy is responsible for most of the financial institutions that are currently keeping you down.  I’m not entirely sure, but I think I’d like to say “F” him.

·        (1/12/1628) Charles Perrault- Is it possible that Mother Goose was French?

·        (1/12/1954) Howard Stern- Love him or hate him.

·        (1/12/1966) Rob Zombie- This guys got issues, but turned it into great music.

·        (1/13/1931) Charles Nelson Reilly- Ah, the days when you could be everywhere and nobody really knew why.

·        (1/13/1961) Julia Louis-Dreyfus- She was associated with greatness before Seinfeld.