“Ya know Doc.  I wouldn’t even be here with you slack jawed retards if it weren’t for my old lady!”

            “Your hostility would indicate that the group makes you uncomfortable.  Is that correct Mr. Brewer?”

            Five people sit in an efficiently spaced semi circle.  Surrounding the group a small, barrenly-furnished, wood paneled office contains five straight-backed leather chairs.  The design offers no comfort merely utility exists within.  An oak desk closes off the semi circle of subordinate chairs.  Behind the desk bland paintings rest on the wall like tired snapshots of a deflated hot air balloon.  A wiry man wearing spectacles and an open-necked polo sits in a leather swivel captain’s chair.  Adjusting his glasses he awaits a response from the stocky man with a crew cut named Brewer.

            “I’ll tell you why I’m so goddamned hostile, Doc!  I’ve been in this monkey jerk of yours for three months.  I’m not one bit closer to solving my problem and I haven’t seen anyone else solve a problem since I’ve been here.  It’s a fucking waste of time if you ask me.  You keep saying I need to get in touch with my feminine side.  I’ve got your feminine side right here!”

            Mr. Brewer grabs his crotch.  Doctor Shah removes his spectacles and begins wiping imaginary dirt from the lenses.

            “Why do you feel so much hostility Mr. Brewer?”

            “You want me to talk Doc?  All right then.  Your whole fucking set up pisses me off!  I’ve sat hear and listened to you insinuate everything Anthony’s a homosexual.  You keep telling him he needs to come to terms.  Christ!  That kid ain’t queer!  If you’d open your fucking ears Dr. Shah you’d know he’s a fucked up kid with a great personality.  He just hasn’t learned to accept it yet.”

            Anthony sits slumped in his chair.  His arms folded across his chest.  His face is young.  His eyes are dull.          

“For shit sake Doc!  Anthony’s just a mixed up kid.  As far as that goes though, I like him.”

            Doctor Shah replaces his glasses on his nose and bobs his head forward several times like a pigeon.

            “Does the group have any comments regarding Mr. Brewer’s observations?”

            “As usual Dr. Shah I think he’s a pompous ass!”

            Natalie Firnbothem’s hair pulls far back from her face increasing signs of strain across her cheeks.  Wearing a brown pants suit and shiny, black granny shoes; her age defies deduction.  Her eyes glow in Brewer’s direction.

            “You know Dr. Shah, I believe Brewer’s a typical man.  He sits here trying to get the group to go along his ego.  He’s his own source of his problems.  Yet he’s always trying to make himself feel better at the expense of others.”

            “Here we go ‘Firm Bottom!’  How ‘bout you?  Sitting over there stiffer than my morning woody.  You come in here week in and week out bitching about your fucking mood swings.  If you ditch that fucking dyke haircut of yours, you might find yourself a man to stick it in you long enough to release some of that stress honey!  If you didn’t act like a bitch I’d probably even give you a little in-out myself.”

            Ms. Firnbothem stares at Brewer with furrows creased in her brow.

            “You’re an asshole Brewer.  Why can’t you just use my name?  It’s Ms. Firnbothem.  Not Firm Bottom!”

            “It’s better than cunt.”

            Dr. Shah tries to assert himself.

            “Now Mr. Brewer….”

            Dr. Shah’s interrupted by the other female participant. 

“I think she’s right!”

Small in stature and mousy in appearance, Kari speaks in tones demonstrating her willingness to hide. 

“What do you know?  You got some insight to offer us Kari?  Has your little sheltered life and no fucking worries husband given you some insight to offer us?  Are you going say it for me today Kari?  Are you finally going to say, ‘pity me?’”

Kari quietly says, “You’re an asshole Brewer.”

“I may be an asshole Kari, but at least I’ve got the goddamn foresight god granted me to admit it.  Believe it or not, I like being an asshole.  At least people know where I stand on things.”

Kari’s eyes begin to pool up.

“It’s not my fault!  If I hadn’t gotten pregnant so young, I could’ve been a journalist like I always dreamed.  I could’ve visited other countries.  Ate different kinds of food.  Seen different cultures.  I’d’ve gone on adventure!  It’ve been beautiful, but you don’t know anything about that Mr. Brewer.  My life may be bad, but at least my husband doesn’t hate my guts!”

“Yeah that’s right Irving.”

The voice of Jack Benson calls out unsteady and unsure of itself.  He looks to Kari, then Firnbothem; neither acknowledges him.  Brewer focuses on Jack.

“The name is Brewer, Jacko.  If you decide to call me Irving again I’ll rip your fucking head off and shit on tonsils.  You got that slack-jawed faggot?”

Dr. Shah comes to Jack’s rescue.

            “We’re getting a little off track here people.  How about we leave this discussion for another time?  It’s been a while since we’ve heard anything from Anthony.  Anthony is there anything you’d like to talk about?”

            “No!”

            “Anthony?  Your mother says you’ve become more reclusive.  She says you come home from school and spend the rest of your time in your room by yourself.”

            “Yeah.  Imagine that Doctor Shah.  I actually want to be left alone, just like I tell you and her!”

            Doctor Shah removes his spectacles and begins working at the illusion on the lenses.

            “How are you and Shannon doing, Anthony?”

            “It’s like I keep telling you!  She’s a bitch and I don’t want to talk about it!”

            “Why would you want to be by yourself, Anthony?”

            “Jesus fucking Christ!  Why don’t you leave the kid alone Doc?  Sixteen’s hard enough to deal with.  Anthony don’t need you trying to hook up with him.  Why don’t you either try to poke him or leave him the fuck alone?”
            “Mr. Brewer!  You’ve had your turn.  Now we’re talking with Anthony!’

            Firnbothem leans forward into the circle.

            “Yeah Brewer!  Why don’t you keep your filthy, chauvinistic mouth shut for once?” 

            “You want me Firm Bottom?  Yeah.  I think I feel it in my balls.  When you want me to give you a squirt, just lose that dyke haircut.”

            Doctor Shah replaces the glasses on the end of his nose and he avoids Brewer and Firnbothem’s gaze like a whipped puppy.

            “Okay Anthony we can talk about this next week.  How about you Jack?  Do you have anything you’d like to share with the group?”

            Jack besmirched youth shows early signs of graying.  He concentrates on every face in the group before opening his mouth.  Only Kari and Doctor Shah smile in encouragement.

            “I don’t know Dr. Shah.  Every time I say anything Brewer harasses me.”

            Dr. Shah looks at Brewer as if looking to three-year old.

            “You won’t harass Jack will you, Mr. Brewer?”

            Brewer looks around at the group, then at his watch.

            “If it will speed this faggoty mess up, I’ll be quiet.”

            “Okay.  Jack?  What would you like to talk about?”

            Jack looks at Brewer then takes a deep breath.

            “My boss is still my problem, Dr. Shah.  He doesn’t even know I’m there.  He doesn’t listen when I talk to him.  All he ever does to acknowledge that I’m even there is pile work on my desk.  It doesn’t matter what I’m working on either.  If I say he is expecting too much from me, he just tells me to suck it up and drive on.  I don’t know what to do anymore Dr. Shah!”

            Without peering around the group Dr. Shah seizes his opportunity.

            “Have you been using those assertion techniques I showed you Jack?”

            “I’ve tried those!”

            Jack’s voice sounds passive and unbelievable.

            “I just don’t understand it Doctor Shah.  In college I got along fine.  I was the numero uno man on campus.  I breezed through my courses.  That made my parents happy, but now that I’ve been put on salary.  I work day and night.  The only encouragement I get is an occasional atta boy.”

            “Welcome to the real world, Poindexter!”

            “Mr. Brewer!  That is not nice at all!  You said you wouldn’t harass Jack.  You are not a very nice man.  You’re always so negative.  What has Jack ever done to you?”

            “My asshole bleeds for him.  Really it does Kari.  Ya know, in a minute I was getting ready to get out my fucking guit-fiddle and play him some Bo Diddley.”

            Looking at his watch Doctor Shah draws the attention from Mr. Brewer.

            “Keep using those assertion techniques I showed you, Jack.  They work!  You must remember to own your statements.”

            Looking at his watch, he counts seconds translating into money.  Dr. Shah mentally motions all from the room.

            “We’ve made some headway here today people!  Unfortunately, our time has drawn to an end.  I hope you all have a good week.”

            As backs face him moving out the door Doctor Shah adds.

            “Mr. Brewer?  Try to get the chip off your shoulder.  These sessions will be far more productive that way.”

            Everybody has already left but Brewer’s voice rings audibly through the open door.

            “Eat me!”

II.

            “I hope you all had a great week.  I was thinking that maybe Anthony could start us off this week.  What do you think about that Anthony?”

            Anthony looks around the group avoiding Brewer’s eyes.

            “About what Dr. Shah?”

            “Would you like to start the group discussion today Anthony?”

            “Discuss what?”

            “Jesus fucking Christ.  Do we have to go through this same shit every week?  This is older than the chancres on your mama’s lips Doc.”

            Natalie Firnbothem quick like the tattle-tale cat in kindergarten says, “The mouth Brewer.  Always with the mouth.  Can’t you let Dr. Shah handle one session without your incessant mouth?”

            “That’s what I keep asking myself Firm Bottom.  I’d like to stop coming, but my old lady ain’t buying it.  So yet again I’m here.”

            Brewer’s eyes scan the group quickly landing on the passive aggressive.

            “Wipe that just got done pumping the neighbor’s cat grin off your face Jack.  I swear.  I’ll break you open like a shotgun and pump fuck you.”

            “Brewer, your command of the language is almost eloquent.  Eh, Kari?”

            Firnbothem looks to the only other woman in the group for support.  Kari’s mouth wavers before opening. 

Brewer smiles and says, “Admit it Firm Bottom.  You want the cock?  Don’t you?  Would you like just the tip of the Purple Helmet?”

            “Mr. Brewer, we’re trying to help Anthony this week.  You’ll get your turn before the session is finished.  Please refrain from verbally assaulting Ms. Firnbothem.”

            Dr. Shah looks at Brewer’s forehead rather than his eyes.  Brewer stares back. 

Dr. Shah continues, “If you don’t mind.  Anthony would you like to share with the group?”

            Anthony’s eyes rise from the floor to Dr. Shah.  His glare is on par with Brewer’s.

            “You want me to talk Doc?”    

            The question hangs heavy for just a moment.

            “All right.  I’ll talk Doc Shah.  I think about death a lot.  I’m not happy a happy guy.  I didn’t choose this world and there really doesn’t seem to be much I can do to change anything.  Generally speaking, I think everybody sucks.”

            Anthony continues looking at Dr. Shah as he pauses with the excellence of a Shakespearean actor.

            “The way I’ve got it figured.  I can get a rifle and find a clock tower to kill as many people as possible before they take me out.  Or I can kill myself!  If I kill other people though, I suck by default.  Do you see my problem, Doc?  Can you help me with that one?”

            “Why do you hold people in contempt Anthony?”

            “You’re not even listening.  Just answer the question.”

            “I’m listening Anthony.  Why do you think people suck?”

            “What the hell do you get paid for?”

            “Don’t shut down on me now Anthony.  We are making some headway.  Why do you hate people?”

            “I never said I hate people!”

            “How are things going with you and Shannon?”

            “I’m done talking.”

            “Anthony, why are you so unhappy?”

            “I’m not talking anymore.”

            “Anthony, what are you thinking right now?”

            “I’M THINKING YOU SHOULD LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE OR MY MURDER SPREE WILL START RIGHT HERE!”

            After the loud outburst, Anthony’s eyes sink to the floor refusing to rise.

            “I’d leave him alone Doctor Shah.  He’s psycho.”

            “Way to go Jacko.  Why don’t you give Captain Shah your full diagnosis you fuck stick?  Looks like you know just about everything.  What’s it been?  Ten years in college now?  Plan on graduating anytime this decade, Jacko?”

            “It’s only been six years, Irving.”

             A grin lives shortly on Jack’s lips.

            “Look here, you sperm burping cum bubble.  I told you the name is Brewer!  If you call me Irving again I’ll drill you.  I’ll make your asshole bleed you fucking yutz.  I'll destroy you, you mealy mouthed cocksucker.”

            Quietly Jack responds,  “I forgot.”

            “Yeah, just like the doctor forgot to check for signs of a live birth when you were born.  Little piece of advice for you, and this is no charge unlike this prick over here.  If you grow up your boss might actually respect you.  Move the fuck out of mama’s house.”

            “You’re one to talk about growing up Neanderthal.”

            “You feeling lonely over there Firm Bottom?  I keep telling you.  Get rid of the bull-dyke haircut.  I’ll cure you of your tension real quick.”

            “Mr. Brewer!  This is supposed to be a nurturing environment.  I will not tolerate that kind of innuendo in my group.”

            “Brewer’s not a nice man, Dr. Shah.  I see why his wife hates him.  He’s so negative and insensitive.  He really should try to be nicer.”

            “Hey Kari.  Thanks for the advice, but shut the fuck up.  What would you have me do?  Walk around all day with an idiotic grin on my face?  Is that what you think I need?”

            “Don’t let him bother you Kari.  All that testosterone makes men stupid.”

            “Yeah and it makes my dick hard too, Firm Bottom.  So what?”

            “You’re a filthy pig Brewer.”

            “Yeah whatever you fucking dyke.”

            “People.  Mr. Brewer!  Ms. Firnbothem, please.  If we could get back on track for this session.  We only have a few minutes remaining.  Now what I would like, is to hear from Jack.  Have you made any headway at work Jack?”

            “Well Dr. Shah.  My boss gave me two tickets to a hockey game last night.”

            “So things are better Jack?”

            “Yeah.  I guess.  I mean he gave the tickets, but I’ve been working so much I’ve fallen out with my old contacts.  I didn’t have anyone to take.  It would’ve been nice to have a girl or something.”

            “Let me get out my viola for this sad song.”

            “What do you know Brewer?  I use to have girls hanging all over me.  I use to get laid all the time.”

            “Yeah.  You got laid all right Jacko.  Those two dick-beaters at the end of your arms were named Bessie and Joanie I’ll bet.”

            “Why don’t you let Jack talk Mr. Brewer?  Why don’t you ever let him talk?”

            “I wasn’t talking to you Kari, so shut the fuck up.”

            “Mr. Brewer, please!  We’re out of time for this week’s session.  I hope you all have a nice week.  Mr. Brewer maybe you should take some of Kari’s advice and lighten up the next time we meet.  Anthony I’d like it if you were prepared to talk next week.”

            “Fuck you!”

III.

            “Dr. Shah couldn’t make it to your session this week.  I’ll be filling in for him.  My name is Dr. Fasaud.  I’m not sure how Dr. Shah ran these sessions, but I’d like to try something a bit cutting edge.  My colleagues say that my style is a little bizarre, so I hope that you can bear with me.”

            “You’ve got to be better than that faggot Shah!”

            “Your name sir?”

            “Brewer.”

            “And why are you here today, Mr. Brewer?”

            “My wife thinks I’m an asshole and this therapy is supposed to save our marriage.”

            “Are you nicer because of these sessions Mr. Brewer?”
            “Let me answer that Dr. Fasaud.”

            “You are?”
            “Natalie Firnbothem.”

            “Miss Firnbothem.  I was speaking to Mr. Brewer.  I’ll get to your problems in just one moment.  Brewer, do you feel like a nicer person for coming to these sessions?”
            “No.”
            “Are you happy coming to these sessions?”
            “No.”

            “Then I suggest you don’t come anymore.  Bang your wife one more time and get a divorce.  There are plenty of women out there that will put up with your shit.  Besides which the world needs a good asshole to keep things interesting.”

            “You know Doc I’ve been thinking about doing just that.  Thanks!”

            A smile runs out the door with Mr. Brewer.

            “Now dear lady what is your name?”

            “Kari.”

            “And what seems to be your problem Kari?”
            “I’m not sure Doctor Fasaud.  I’m just not very happy.  I’m bored with my life.  I’m a housewife, so it’s just the same thing everyday.  I clean up and ten minutes later there is another mess to clean.  I fix meals and I’ll continue to fix meals for the rest of my life.  I want adventure.  I want excitement.  My friend Gladys has a career and a family.  She’s a photographer, so she gets out of the house and travels every now and again.  I want that.  I want to go to meet new people.  I want….”

            “Kari I’ve got it figured out,” Dr. Fasaud says.  “Are you ready for my advice?”

“I guess.”

“Either do something about it or shut the fuck up.  If you’re just going to be a whiny bitch, go do it somewhere else.  Go tell your husband.  He married you, let him put up with your shit.  Quite frankly madam, I don’t want to listen to it.  If you want adventure become a prostitute.  What’s your name sir?”

            “I can’t believe you’re going to talk to her like that.  Where did you get you degree Doctor Fasaud?”
            “Miss Firnbothem right?”
            “Ms. Firnbothem.  Where did you get your degree Doctor Fasaud?”
            “Ms. Firnbothem, I offered Kari options.  She presented me with obstacles she’s encountering in life and I told her one way to overcome them.  Now maybe you have the answers for her, but I sincerely doubt that since you’ve sat in these sessions with her before and you both are still returning.”

            “I’m reporting you Doctor Fasaud.  I cannot believe a university would let you loose to practice freely.  What is your social security number, mister?”

            “I’ve figured out your problem Ms. Firnbothem and frankly there’s no cure for being a bitch.  Now sir, what is your name?”
            “I’ll not be spoken to like that Doctor Fasaud!  What is your social security number?”

            “Ms. Firnbothem.  You’ll shut the fuck up or I will beat your ass.  Unless you have anything more to say beyond starting a fist fight,  I would like to wrap this session up.  Nothing?  Thanks.  Your name sir?”

            “Uh…Jack.”
            “What’s the problem Jack?”

            “I have a lot of stress.  My job pays well and I do an excellent job, better than anyone else; but my boss has no respect for me.  He rarely talks to me unless he is piling more work on my desk.  My co-workers are completely incompetent and yet I see them getting promoted over me.  I just want my career to start moving in the right direction, but nothing I do seems to help.”

            “Easy problem to fix Jack.”

            “How’s that Dr. Fasaud?”

            “Grab hold of your nuts and check to see if they’re still there.  From here on out act like a man and deal with your problems as they come.  If you’re not being respected then demand it.  If you’re still not being treated with respect then leave and find a new job.  It really isn’t that fucking difficult Jack.”

            “But Dr. Fasaud if I quit I’ll…”

            “If you like the situation you’re in then stay; if you don’t then leave.  It’s real quite simple.  Now then, what is your name son?”

            “But Dr. Fasaud…”

            “I’m done with you Jack.  Kid?”
            “I’m Anthony.”

            “What’s your trip Anthony?”

            “I hate the world Dr. Fasaud.  I hate people for the most part and I pretty much hate the process of living.”

            “Easy problem Anthony.  Here’s a razor blade.  Remember that when you cut the wrist slice length-wise and not across.”

            Ending his life with a smile Anthony ushers everyone else out of the room in a panic.  The room is empty except for Anthony’s still warm corpse and Dr. Fasaud.

            “I know how he felt.  He’s the first person I’ve ever met that I like and now he’s dead.  Hopefully his soul is cleaner than mine, because now that the session is dismissed I believe I’ll join him.”

IV.

            On location beyond yellow tape, bodies outlines are being drawn.  Flashlights, plastic bags and cops involve themselves in finding evidence.  Light bulbs flash and then quickly die.  Cigarettes are smoked and yet blood in the carpet reeks more than anything else in the room.  Two cops stand around talking amidst the calm.

“A double suicide!”

            “How long has it been since you’ve seen one of those Chuck?”
            “Christ it’s going on two years now.  The crazy bastard who reported this said one of these guys’ names is Dr. Fasaud.  He’s supposed to be some kind of therapist.”

            “A therapist huh?  My wife and I have been having some problems.  We’ve talked about going to a therapist.  Now that I think about it I remember hearing about a psychologist that was murdered this morning.  The name was something like Shank or Shay.”

            “Dr. Shah?”

            “That’s it.  A former patient murdered him.  It was gruesome from everything I heard.  His head was sliced in two right below the ears and there were no brains left in his skull when the investigator’s arrived.  Nastiest thing I’ve….”